I have been thinking about certain moments in my life lately. You know, those moments that define a path? I have come up with an analogy “Sandpaper and Pearls” (I have not looked it up to see it’s an original). They have a link for me in that they both start from a single grain of sand. The difference is one is smooth and when rubbed against your skin does not hurt. The other is rough and when used for its correct purpose can create beautiful things. However, rub it against your skin or your spirit, it creates cuts and scars.
If I reflect back on the day of the grenade incident, I thought I was going to die! My brain had decided that the injury was going to take my life! First off, one of the wounds was into my thigh right beside the femoral artery. If you don’t know, it’s the one that if severed you can bleed out in 20 minutes and never see a drop of blood. You also may remember the priest praying over me. Since I am not catholic and I have seen a ton of M.A.S.H episodes, I believed it was “Last Rights”. Lastly I was within the fatality (kill) zone of the explosion. With those facts racing through my head in the short time following, I added new sand to the newly formed sandpaper.
For the next 20 or so years, every time I thought I wasn’t supposed to survive, every time that day replayed in my head, I would add more sand to that piece of paper. All the while adding sand, I was rubbing my spirit raw… These thoughts were only stories I was telling myself, every time I relived a story I was creating proof! This proof did not exist, even though I made it my reality. I was finding proof in my stories and in my mind.
That same grain of sand in the shell of an oyster, which is soft and warm, would have created a beautiful pearl! The pearl would have been and is now “I lived for a reason”! I lived to become the person I am today and the person I will be tomorrow. A person who no longer feels the need to wear a mask to hide the shame, regret, fear, and self-loathing. Now pearls do not happened overnight, oysters require time to do something they do naturally. I needed time; I needed to ask for help, I needed to be vulnerable with my emotions. These are things I did not do naturally with myself. I also needed to give myself the same understanding and love that I was showing so many others.
I needed to learn how to make a pearl through WORK! This type of WORK scared me, as I had to look into the most hideous of human inventions. The invention that I have heard so many say they do not like! The mirror! I have come to realize the mirror is the only place to truly find the answers. The answers or problems do not sit with others, they sit with me!
Keep Chasing those Cars
With Love, Respect and Admiration
I did have a question come in so here it goes.
“What are you doing to get help?”
That answer really depends as over the years I have done a few things and I do not want to take away from past teachings. What I realized recently is I needed a double approach. What I mean by double approach is for the mind (traditional) and spirit (not always seen as traditional). I am going to share three things that I do, each one encompasses a different healing for me.
First off there is actual therapy. I have included the web sites if you chose to visit them. One is Dr. Megan McElheran at WGM Psychology at http://wgmpsych.com the other is Rita Bozi and Brilliant Healing http://brillianthealingsystems.squarespace.com
The second is reading and two books I would highly recommend are “Healing Through the Dark Emotions” by Miriam Greenspan and “The Diamond Heart” Book 1 by A. H. Almaas. My reading list is extensive however these were my top two for now.
The Third is Yoga. I have found that yoga is amazing and truly encompasses breath, which gives us life. My two studios that I love for different reasons and they have a very different feel from each other are Calgary Moksha Yoga North at http://calgary-north.mokshayoga.ca and Yoga Mandala at http://www.yogamandala.ca
If you are not in Calgary, then you may have to find your places of healing if you are struggling, however the books can be bought online or ordered anywhere.