“In the garden you have the choice. Be a pot bound plant and share your beauty as one. Or remove yourself from the comfort of the pot and slowly allow your roots to unravel, spreading your beauty throughout.”
I was recently having a coffee with a really good friend of mine and we were discussing recovery, self-care and each of our own journeys. I made a statement about being better; the issue was that the word “better” was not clarified as to what I meant, I think it sounded like a sweeping statement. The friendship being as close and as open as it is meant that I was challenged of the use of the word “better”. It sounded like I had said my journey was over, I had completed all my tasks and could now put my feet up.
I explained happily that I do not expect this journey to ever end. That is until I go quietly or not so quietly into the night. I stated that I was like a pot bound plant. The above quote titled “Awakening” was something I came up with after the conversation. My explanation of the analogy “pot bound plant” went something like this.
For almost 44 years I lived in a pot, growing and learning but only to limits of the pot itself. The roots that I had formed were my beliefs, my learning’s and everything that I had ever thought or experienced. The roots could not expand as the pot had formed a solid wall that caused them to form this giant labyrinth, not knowing where one root started and one ended. Not being able to see the original primary root as it had been wrapped up in the thousand of others.
I think one of the issues is that I knew deep down that things, great things, awaited me just the other side of the pot. With the belief that there must be something more and that I could be truly happy, I always fought against the pot walls. When I would try and venture out with a tip of the root, things would get scary or tough. Leaving the comfort of what I knew, even if it was not beneficial or healthy for me, caused me to pull back and hunker down deeper into the pot. Roots wrapping themselves even tighter in a pot that was already too small.
Just about ten months ago, I truly for once removed myself from the pot I had created. It could be argued, and I might agree, that the plant and the pot fell off the table and the pot broke open, leaving me only a couple of choices. Stay on the ground and parish or start to examine the roots. Examine each root, trace its path until I see where it attached itself to the “radical root” which is the first root to form from the seed or the “primary root”, the one that forms once the plant has grown.
So what I have is a handful of roots, some are useful and some not so much. I am in the process of unraveling them slowly, sometimes one by one and sometimes a group unravel all at once. Over the past ten months I have felt a lot of the easy useless roots fall away and that has created a great sense of joy, even a real sense of accomplishment. I am not sure you can imagine, but struggling against yourself for what feels like your entire life can be rather draining, frustrating and for me it was down right dangerous.
The fun part of this journey is unraveling the beliefs I held or continue to hold. Yes, sometimes it is painful or hard. But once that belief is put down and laid to rest or even reaffirmed, the root finds new soil that is rich in nutrients that can better sustain the plant and its growth. Finding new soil is awesome, even if it is scary.
Keep chasing those cars
With Love, Respect and Admiration