I have taken a lot of time away from this blog; I had the greatest intention of writing all the time and not missing a month. But, that was last August and now here we are a year later. Even though I thought about writing all the time, something kept me from actually sitting down and doing it. I know what that something is, but it’s a story possibly for another time.
Over the past year, I have continued to grow in many ways. I added a few things to my “life of leisure” if you can call it that. I accepted a new leadership role at a great organization. I also went back to school full-time and started back slowly at mentorship and coaching with people. And most importantly, I continued my most challenging work – the work I began on myself. I have a lot of learning’s and observations some I will share in future posts and some may remain with me at least for now.
I’ve previously written about compassion, or I’ve at least mentioned it. Forgiveness may have come to light and I am sure I have mentioned, or at least inferred, Love once or twice. What I have found over this past year is that these three things are not only symbiotic they are also required for me to live a happy life; however, they are not at all that easy to attain.
I am not saying that loving another, or living in compassion for another or even forgiving another is easy. In some ways they are really easy, in others they have strings attached. These strings make it difficult to move forward in life. They come with words like “if,” “or,” and “but.” They sound like “I forgive you, but I won’t forget.” How can I truly forgive if it stays with me waiting for the next time they make an error in judgement?
Please do not mistake forgiveness for not setting personal boundaries either; these are required for strong relationships. Choosing not to journey with someone in the same way because their choices do not jive with your own is a great personal boundary. For me personal boundaries are now discussed up front, what I accept and won’t accept in my life is clear. Even though there are few things I have that are deal breakers, but there are some.
Forgiveness in this case, is not for them, it’s for you. Forgiveness allows you to release the negative and allow others not to come prey to a past transgression by any number of people. But, any caveat, string, or attachment you attach to that forgiveness robs you of its true benefit – which is ultimately freedom.
This is where compassion comes into play. Compassion, is understanding that how they acted was maybe out of their control or that how they acted had nothing to do with me. Yes, I may have been impacted by their choice, but their choice most likely was done with only the thought of healing their own pain, their own wounds not realizing that the impacts were far beyond the tip of their nose. Just because I was impacted does not mean it was directed at me. Feeling that it was, is my ego speaking and, my ego seems to like to live in pain by holding on to the negative. Look at an addict, an addict does not act in the idea of hurting others (even though they do hurt people) they act in hiding their own pain and in turn cause even more self wounds.
This leaves LOVE… I see only two choices in life, love or hate. I am amazed at how many people can say I love you to someone then hate or remove the love from them a short time after. We enter a relationship with someone (you pick the type, friendship, sexual, whatever), you have a feeling of love for them. When I was in the military I loved my fellow soldiers I would have laid my life on the line for anyone of them not because it was my job but because we shared a bond and bonds are formed out of love (and before any tough infantry soldier says no way, remember the last time you got drunk and the words “I love you man” came out of your mouth). How can I look back and remove what I felt? I may not agree with what they did or do and I may have even separated from some of them or them from me, but I still love my brothers and sisters in uniform.
I have a really amazing friend who has a saying I have adopted and it is, “I send you with love.” If someone in their life crosses a boundary there is no hate there is just love and they are one of the happiest most caring people I know and you want to know something else about them? They are also one of the strongest people I have ever met. From how I see it this forgiveness, compassion and love is their life force to a peaceful happy existence. We talk all the time and there are challenges that come up but, they say and I would agree that these challenges are far fewer than living in resentment.
Keep Chasing Those Cars